Andrew Patrie is like most parents. The Eau Claire author loves his child. He strives to support her, help her succeed and help her stay safe. But accomplishing these goals can be … awkward. Parenthood often means entering unchartered territory.
Patrie explores this in his memoir “Clumsy Love: A Father’s Journey Parenting His Transgender Daughter.” He shared an excerpt from a chapter of the book with WPR’s “Wisconsin Life.”
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‘Follow Your Path’
“Quite a view today,” I say to the top of my daughter Simone’s head, her face pushed into the crumple of sweatshirt on the picnic table.
Her response is lost in a muffle of cotton.
We are at the University of Wisconsin. The Terrace is bustling with students and other people out enjoying the afternoon. The sky nearly cloudless and blue. We are lucky to have found a table so near the water of Lake Mendota. A rowing group glides by, a man with a megaphone perched like a gull at the stern. Closer, two bulldogs laze between the legs of their owners. The woman checks to see that the green leash is securely fastened to the back of her chair and looks our way, her eyes seeming to linger on Simone.
My wife, Adrienne, motions with her head: Maybe we should go?
I set down my cider and look to our daughter, still bowed over the table. The afternoon sun warms the nape of her neck between her parted hair.
Sure, I nod.
We walk parallel to the water, Adrienne and I several paces ahead while Simone lags behind. Nearby, ducks swim. I look back and catch Simone with arms raised, nose sniffing her armpits. I avert my eyes and look ahead instead, to spare us both embarrassment.
“She’s nervous about tomorrow,” I say.
“Totally nervous,” Adrienne agrees. “Me, too. This is new for all of us.”
Two years ago, our child informed us that she was our daughter, not our son. It has been a year since her name legally changed from the masculine to its feminine counterpart.
Now May 2018, Simone is eleven, one summer away from middle school, and adamant she not go through male puberty.
The following morning we pile into the car and drive from the hotel to the Pediatric and Transgender Health Clinic.
We park, stretch our legs, and head toward the lobby to check in. The receptionist sends us up a small set of marble stairs to the waiting room. We pull open the glass door and take a seat. Simone approaches the large aquarium in the
center of the room, bending closer to watch the fish that fan out as if to make space for her.
Simone’s name is called, and we follow a woman in blue scrubs to the doctor’s office, find three chairs along the wall, and sit. Soon, there is a knock, and a cheerful voice behind the door says, “Hello. You must be Simone.”
Our daughter nods.
The doctor enters. She has a cherubic face framed by close-cropped red hair and is wearing a petite white lab coat. No doubt a reassuring presence to scores of children. However, when she asks Simone the purpose of this visit, Simone is diffident, leaning toward Adrienne’s ear and whispering for her to explain.
Adrienne says, “We wanted to go over puberty blockers. Simone is going to be twelve in a few months, and she’s really worried the process has already begun.”
The doctor focuses on Simone. “The good news is puberty doesn’t happen all at once.”
“I don’t want any of it,” Simone says.
“Wisconsin Life” is a co-production of Wisconsin Public Radio and PBS Wisconsin. The project celebrates what makes the state unique through the diverse stories of its people, places, history and culture.
