As a boy in the early 1980s, Jay Amelong predicted the accident that would cause his death — down to the color of the car that hit him.
His sister, Kristina Amelong of Madison, explores his legacy in a new memoir about family, continuing through tragedy and the mystery surrounding what happened. Amelong is the author of “What My Brother Knew: A Memoir.”
She writes that her brother dreamed he would die young, and he shared that knowledge with loved ones.
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On WPR’s “Wisconsin Today,” Amelong said it was difficult to comprehend what he was saying at the time. She said she would mostly ignore it.
“It was so out of our reality that there was no way to pay attention to it or understand it,” she said.
But after Jay’s dream came true, Amelong said, she knew her life would never be the same. The experience left a haunting scar on her life that she carried through years of grieving and, eventually, through a journey of self-discovery.
The following was edited for brevity and clarity.
Kate Archer Kent: Jay had such an impact on the people all around him. What was he like?
Kristina Amelong: He was a wonderful human being. He was playful and adventuresome and also obnoxious.
For instance, recently I got in touch with a friend who I hadn’t spoken to since the day it happened. And she said, “He was always picking on me.” But he was just an average kid who was also very popular. He really was kind.
But he had this precognition, where he saw his future. He’s a very mysterious character, really.
KAK: Your mother would never talk to you about Jay’s death. Why was that?
KA: I think she was just in so much pain about it and she never had the opportunity to sort of process that grief. Also, she felt responsible since somehow she knew she should be able to stop it. I think she had such guilt about it.
It’s funny — on my dog walk today, I ran into a guy who had a near-death experience. We got to talking about the book and his response was, “Well, that’s not unusual. I had a heart attack and I died.” I got to hear his near-death experience and he said that no one wants to talk about it, which is so true. I love talking about these subjects: death and precognition and the soul and all of that. But it’s just a combination of scary and so outside everyone’s day-to-day experience that it’s like, why would we talk about that? Or what’s the point? It’s a mystery.
KAK: How would sharing a near-death experience help you understand Jay?
KA: One thing is it gives you a direct experience of being in the mystery and that there is this profound reality around that we have experiences after we die. For many years, it felt very tragic and horrible, and my being was full of grief around Jay’s death. Connecting to other people who’ve had such unusual experiences or who have touched death or been with another person that is dying — it gives me another opportunity to heal.
KAK: Going to the spot where he was hit by the car, Goodland Drive. How have you reconciled that spot?
KA: I go to Governor’s Island often in Madison. I drive by there almost every day. And we lived near there for a long time. I just think it’s kind of amazing that the name of the road is Goodland. And going there for the context of writing the book was odd and also so beautiful.
The tree still has the scar on it. And the memories are right there. They’re stored in that tree and so it’s beautiful. There are so many memories, which reminds me of what Jay said right before the accident happened: “I don’t care what happens to me after I die.”
[Memories like when] he was riding his bike through the cemetery that’s right there by that church, Lakeview Lutheran. Whenever I go over there, I just really feel his presence.
