When is the right time to move a parent struggling with dementia into a long-term care facility? It's one of the hardest questions a family or caregiver can be forced to answer.
"Unfortunately, there’s really no specific, good answer for this, and I think that makes people feel really guilty," said Rachael Wonderlin, author of, "When Someone You Know is Living in a Dementia Care Community."
Wonderlin notes that a dementia diagnosis often takes more of a toll on the primary caregiver than the patient. So, to that end, she said it can be helpful to reframe the question as: When is a move right for you, the caregiver?
"I think for a lot of people, when they start really thinking about it, that’s when it’s time," she said.
While it can be a tough subject to talk about, Wonderlin really encourages people to have these conversations with their loved ones at the time of a dementia diagnosis. That way both parties can lay out specific criteria for when a move to a care facility should take place.
She also advocates a move to a care facility shouldn’t be regarded as a last resort.
"I think it’s important to consider moving someone to a care community earlier on in the diagnosis rather than later, because people with dementia can benefit from being around others with dementia, and from being in a community that meets their needs," Wonderlin said.
While some families have long-term care conversations well before a dementia diagnosis takes places, Wonderlin said, this can often backfire. She said she’s encountered numerous families who’ve had the conversation only to have the parent express their wish to never be put in care facility.
"Unfortunately, that’s a really tough thing to say to somebody, because you have no idea if, later in your life, you’re going to end up having some form of dementia," she said. "Sometimes that move never happens, because the family feels so awful even considering the idea that a residential care community might be the best, safest, healthiest option for that person."
To that end, Wonderlin recommends looking into specialized dementia care units. These can sometimes be found in assisted living or personal care communities.
"Everything there is organized specifically to fit their needs, rather than just other older adults who live in that community who do not have dementia," she explained.
Wonderlin recommends touring various facilities to find that one that feels right. Some things to look for include a robust activity calendar, opportunities for interactions, dietary options, trained staff and an overall sense of community.
"It’s almost like visiting a college in a lot of ways," she said.
But even if a loved one is being moved into the best possible facility, it still can be easy to struggle with the guilt of it all, Wonderlin said. It’s important to keep in mind that making the transition is most often acting in the person’s best interest, even if it may not feel like it, she said.
"Know that you as a caregiver are making the best possible decision for your loved one," she said. "Know that you are looking out for them, and sometimes moving them into a community is the best way to provide that kind of care."
