Psychologist Suggests Watching Reactions Of Young People, Talking To Them About Their Feelings
Nearly a week has passed since a mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida left 17 people — 14 students and three staff members — dead. The tragedy left in its wake students and staff recovering after the trauma, grieving families and friends, a reignited political debate over gun control, and an anxious community and nation.
The effects of mass violence can stretch beyond the community they directly impact. Across the United States, many have heightened anxiety and worry after this shooting, says Robin Gurwitch, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University Medical Center.
It's "very, very normal" said Gurwitch. For children, the recent shooting may have elicited emotions such as sadness and anxiety, according to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network. Gurwitch said reactions parents should watch out for include trouble sleeping, falling asleep or staying asleep. A child may also express more fears or worries than is usual.
"One of the things that's most important to recognize is when we're stressed, one of the areas of concern is our attention and concentration, so think about that in a classroom setting. If I'm having problems attending and concentrating because I'm stressed or worried, I may not be attending as well to what the teacher is saying," Gurwitch noted. "I may not listen to instructions as well as I did before and I may have a little bit more difficulty learning new information, so it does have — our reactions do have an impact in school performance."
Another way to tell if something is affecting children, said Gurwitch: talk to them.
"It would be fantastic if our children, particularly our teenagers, wore signs that told us what they're thinking inside ... but they don't and we don't know unless we ask," she said. "This is an incredibly difficult conversation to have with our children and our teenagers, but if we do not have this conversation, I think that can lead to more problems."
Not talking about it could make children think that it's so horrific it can't be discussed. Having the conversation, Gurwitch said, is critical for adults so they understand what's going on for young people. The approach to discussing a mass shooting can vary by age. Here's a few tips:
- For older children and teenagers: Gurwitch noted that they likely know about it because of news and social media coverage. She suggested asking them or telling them about it directly, followed up by asking what they think. Parents could also watch the news coverage of it with them and have a discussion about what was reported and what they think.
"If they say, 'Oh, everything's fine,' one thing that we can do as adults is step back and say, 'I'm glad that you're doing alright. I'm wondering, what are your friends talking about? What are they saying?' Because sometimes, it allows a little bit of distance," Gurwitch said. By doing that, adults get to hear what's going on in the heads of older children.
- For younger children: Gurwitch advised acknowledging that something happened and letting them know that the school affected is making sure it's going to be as safe as possible. Their school, too, is also doing what it can to make sure the child is safe.
One suggestion from NCTSN's tip sheet for talking about mass shootings with children suggests limiting media exposure so young people aren't exposed to the sights and sounds of it. Gurwitch said that parents should turn off all coverage for very young children.
"Make sure that they're not being inundated with it, because sometimes it is very hard for them to understand what's going on and then they fill in the blanks and that can increase anxieties," she added.
Gurwitch said hopefully, the heightened anxiety will dissipate over the next couple of weeks following the recent mass shooting in Florida. However, there is an opportunity of sorts in this. Parents can ask themselves if they know what their child's school safety plan is for a natural disaster, school shooting or other traumatic event.
"This is an opportunity for parents to really think about getting more involved and learning about what are the plans," Gurwitch noted. "This is an opportunity to have a voice."
It's also a chance to look at what home plans are as children are thinking about safety.
"What is your family plan? If something were to happen in your home, a house fire or something else, would they know what to do? Do they ... know about where to go and who to talk to and where to find each other if we get separated? This is an opportunity to have those conversations around safety and security across the board," Gurwitch added.
And remember, she said, it's not just children who might be struggling with fear and anxiety after mass violence. It affects adults, too.
"To believe just because we're adults, we're not touched by these events is unrealistic," Gurwitch said. To evaluate that, here are some questions an adult could ask themselves:
- How is my sleep?
- Where are my thoughts?
- Am I able to focus or am I constantly thinking about what happened in Florida (or where the mass violence occurred) even when I'm trying to go about my activities?
- Am I withdrawing from activities that I generally enjoyed before?
- Am I spending all my time on social media or watching the news coverage?
- Am I constantly on alert? Am I jumping at every sound?
- Am I not eating as well as I was?
- Am I not taking care of myself as well as I have?
Gurwitch advised seeking help if signs of anxiety and fear don't dissipate a few weeks after the violence.
"If we're not good role models, then that can be harder for our children," she said.
There are resources available about talking to children about a mass shooting or helping children cope. Gurwitch suggested the National Child Traumatic Stress Network and the American Psychological Association, among others.
